And you reminded me what it was like to hug someone so completely that you can begin to feel their muscles lean up against their bones

I look at that heart, the one I've hated for so long, and the truth is she hates it just as much I do 

You close your eyes on I love you's, bow your head on good mornings, and that awful cringe as you give and receive warmth

So pore me in pure guilt under concrete, 

and Spread your beautiful wings in the light

continue to preach of my protection

You can no longer protect me from the light.

-C.C.

And maybe at some point there is nothing to chase anymore 

And finding yourself is the only thing every path leads to

"Why did it take this long?"

But what about just telling yourself 

"It's okay."

Maybe cause we falter

we falter, Every fucking time.

Maybe you can only see as much things about yourself as you choose to

Smiling after second place never felt so badass 

Some things do take longer than others to realize

"Patience is a virtue." The words of my fourth grade teacher

Now more relevant than ever as I let my hair loose in the sun on this afternoon boat ride 

2:42 a.m.

And I've come to realize we pick endings more often than we tend to choose beginnings 

Just how the Dark Ages were too foolish to realize the Renaissance 

Sometimes I wait inbetween the silence 

And then realize it's just as hopeless as you are

And the times I am placed in rooms the loudest, I can't help but to hear your silence.

I always loved that about you. Learning to expect the unexpected.

Yes Jonathan, I still think pepper spray is fucking stupid, but now I truly enjoy skimpy clothes in sketchy parking lots. 

Irony keeps its interesting right? 

Thanks for teaching your baby girl best

-xo 

C.C.

Lullabies about the sea

Why is my cup of tea also what I take on the rocks?

I like how they both warm that place at the very bottom of my stomach

I hate how every morning I’m not sure which one to pick

I remember when I use to shower as I’d hum along to Lennon; attempting to make it out over the intense water pressure over my head

What do I prefer, Melodies or Melancholy?

Now my showers are where I stare

No, not the passionate stare when he admires her

The one where everything blurs out time, and time again.

the one where you don’t have to think about the tears

Yeah,

I know they still roll down as you repeat “Yes, I’m fine. I’m good.”

and then more tears are shed after the fact because the correlation between you and “being good,” has never felt this astray.

so,

blank but  full.

why give a fuck when you know it does not matter

why give a fuck when you know you have all the answers, but life will still throw shit at you anyways

just because it can

No Elizabeth, criticism is not advice

and Romeo never loved Juliet.

Father use to tell me, if life gives you lemons, fuck it, make a mojito.

Mischief could either be your closest connection or a self constructed enemy

Daddy,

I still wanted the juice

-C.C.

Vows

I can hand you the lock 

And key.

Even then you would be the one to lock yourself out.

I try searching for meaning, yet forget you have made the desert your daily destination 

I thought I knew your intentions behind your kiss, but guess none on your intentions in giving up.

Never knew the words "I love you," could be so empty when they use to make me so full.

I gave you my faith, but you made me give up on that as well.

Cheers on all that you have shared.

-C.C.

My Mojito

You remind me of Sunday nights

How you wait for things to fall together right before they can fall apart 

I can feel your eyes pursue my emotion

Yet your heart never searches for even a pulse of devotion 

Fixing puzzles may cure problems at hand 

But these scattered little pieces soon become inescapable quicksand 

Your piercing eyes seep through my soul 

Don't begin to be the one to hide your own glow 

I want to give him the world and travel the land 

Yet the most magic I know is found in those hands 

Yes, his touch is extremely kind but nothing compared to what is held in his mind 

Turn the lights off while you turn my mind on

Not sure what I love more 

his smile or his songs 

-C.C.

I guess some of my hottest showers are after my longest nights 

Why clean when so hazy

Why run when so caught 

Caught up somewhere feeling too crazy 

Not sure if the dark has tamed me more than the light 

We were okay in the dark. 

Now it's 6 a.m., And it isn't only my eyes having trouble trying to adjust to the light 

You fucking said I was lovely

You looked me in the eyes and said I was "lovely."

You loved my flaws, you never loved 

Me

I don't know how to speak

I don't know how to love

Not the love you showed me

You showed me the acceptance of prevailing failure

I am not a failure 

And that is not lovely 

I want to ask questions but I never get answers 

I guess all my questions are now aimed to crickets 

At least they listen