Chapter 2

With you I forget

Not of sorrow, or regret

But more of how you let my mind sing the same melody that use to be its lullaby

Over the wine and long talks, I fetch your cigarette

You take my heart and tell it to fall

And it wants to so badly but also remembers so clearly what it was like to crawl

I can feel when your eyes look at me in awe

Holy shit when love starts to kindle its so hard to stall

I know old pieces could not be put back in place

But so crazy how one man ended that chase

I now wonder why I tried so hard for these pieces not to be erased

The thing with sadness is it demands attention

But now I could see all the bad that was blinding my taste

As I feel your fingers pass over each rib on my side

I can feel my body aching for yours to come closer to mine

Sometimes this feeling makes me euphoric, and others it makes me want to hide

But you whisper in my ear and tell me it’s only the beginning of the ride 

-C.C.

empty stomaches/busy heads

I guess he became used to the faint smell of dark coffee and cigarettes as it rolled off my tongue somewhere in between our empty small talk 

It almost felt as forced as the fake smile after my now repeated anthem of "I'm fine."

My relentless cries are salted over my desolate attempts of normalcy 

My thoughts occupy my room as much the half empty water bottles and pill capsules do

I could feel remorse scraping against the muscles in my cheeks in attempt to recall the motion of a smile 

I can remember the taste of my last meal, yet cannot recall the comfort in a true smile 

Why did they never advertise this life with all the tormenting pain that soon becomes the only solid company I have

They told me not to be scared, this was normal, this was fun

And that's the part they didn't get, I wasn't scared of the drugs, I was scared of my darkest demons who soon became my only consistent friends 

They indulged in my vulnerability

They loved to be fed and when they weren't they ached louder than my now muted conscience 

-C.C.

7

He always loved something about fireworks

I always loved something about how his face would light up in the natural light of the darkest nights 

His beaming face interlaced with the smile of a child 

It's hard to look someone in the eyes after taking something from them

Happiness is hard to find 

Confidence is harder

But being found again is the hardest

And innocence, well that's an endless chase.

Sorry you ever had to be lost

           R.I.P.  C.C.