"Tell me what you love most and then what you hate most!" he exclaimed 

as he continued to pursue a role he had been offered too many times previously 

to play

I told him there was no difference in what I love and I hate. Too often the things that don't let me sleep seem also to pleasure my plate. 

I whispered to Clara under the bubbly Brut 

For she knew our most fluent exchanges always took place on mute 

The shake of her hand beating with the tick of her toe

Now she's the only apparent fool for letting it go.

;)

-C.C. 

And he was the type of person that when the show went quiet, so did his heart. It's sad, depending on something else so highly that your body cannot function properly otherwise, I guess that's life, finding out what addiction suits you best. And man I should have never made him mine. 

~diaries of the misunderstood

C.C. 

A

so oblivious as he giggles and pours our second glass

I can see his chest pounding as my fingers stoop towards the tray of ash 

   his smile let's go and concludes to my innocent life

Not a clue does he have of the thoughts and puzzles behind my eyes

"Yeah, the wine is great."

And you reminded me what it was like to hug someone so completely that you can begin to feel their muscles lean up against their bones

I look at that heart, the one I've hated for so long, and the truth is she hates it just as much I do 

You close your eyes on I love you's, bow your head on good mornings, and that awful cringe as you give and receive warmth

So pore me in pure guilt under concrete, 

and Spread your beautiful wings in the light

continue to preach of my protection

You can no longer protect me from the light.

-C.C.

And maybe at some point there is nothing to chase anymore 

And finding yourself is the only thing every path leads to

"Why did it take this long?"

But what about just telling yourself 

"It's okay."

Maybe cause we falter

we falter, Every fucking time.

Maybe you can only see as much things about yourself as you choose to

Smiling after second place never felt so badass 

Some things do take longer than others to realize

"Patience is a virtue." The words of my fourth grade teacher

Now more relevant than ever as I let my hair loose in the sun on this afternoon boat ride 

2:42 a.m.

And I've come to realize we pick endings more often than we tend to choose beginnings 

Just how the Dark Ages were too foolish to realize the Renaissance 

Sometimes I wait inbetween the silence 

And then realize it's just as hopeless as you are

And the times I am placed in rooms the loudest, I can't help but to hear your silence.

I always loved that about you. Learning to expect the unexpected.

Yes Jonathan, I still think pepper spray is fucking stupid, but now I truly enjoy skimpy clothes in sketchy parking lots. 

Irony keeps its interesting right? 

Thanks for teaching your baby girl best

-xo 

C.C.

Lullabies about the sea

Why is my cup of tea also what I take on the rocks?

I like how they both warm that place at the very bottom of my stomach

I hate how every morning I’m not sure which one to pick

I remember when I use to shower as I’d hum along to Lennon; attempting to make it out over the intense water pressure over my head

What do I prefer, Melodies or Melancholy?

Now my showers are where I stare

No, not the passionate stare when he admires her

The one where everything blurs out time, and time again.

the one where you don’t have to think about the tears

Yeah,

I know they still roll down as you repeat “Yes, I’m fine. I’m good.”

and then more tears are shed after the fact because the correlation between you and “being good,” has never felt this astray.

so,

blank but  full.

why give a fuck when you know it does not matter

why give a fuck when you know you have all the answers, but life will still throw shit at you anyways

just because it can

No Elizabeth, criticism is not advice

and Romeo never loved Juliet.

Father use to tell me, if life gives you lemons, fuck it, make a mojito.

Mischief could either be your closest connection or a self constructed enemy

Daddy,

I still wanted the juice

-C.C.