forbidden fruit

And there's this boy I love

The one known for being next door 

He enchants with his words

Yet takes my breath away in his silence 

He knows the others are as timid as his perceived unapparent flaws 

In return his speech pushes past all regularly accepted laws 

And there's this boy I love

The one known for having it all

They whisper of his appearance 

And want to know the stories of how his eyes have seen it all 

We giggle and smirk, just as the fools 

Yet they nod indefinitely, for he knows he has set the rules 

And there's this boy I love 

His words say he's conquered it all

And his lover by his side, confirming the confidence in the art of his law

as he runs through the labyrinth we know as his head 

I want to be in there, found standing on the outskirts instead 

His smile humble, eyes more intense than a bull 

For, love beautifully; that was his rule 

I love the beauty you preach in your word

It's everyday this beast is found running against the herd 

His heart beats as fast as his eyes 

I would tell him to feel something, he'd still find something to despise 

Maybe in your labyrinth there will become awareness of the others

But it's too often he confidently lists his lovers

No wonder I choose rather to be an admirer than a lover 

The outskirts don't compare to the constant recover

What's better beauty or pain? 

You make me feel both

So I guess I'll choose insane. 

-C.C.

"Tell me what you love most and then what you hate most!" he exclaimed 

as he continued to pursue a role he had been offered too many times previously 

to play

I told him there was no difference in what I love and I hate. Too often the things that don't let me sleep seem also to pleasure my plate. 

I whispered to Clara under the bubbly Brut 

For she knew our most fluent exchanges always took place on mute 

The shake of her hand beating with the tick of her toe

Now she's the only apparent fool for letting it go.

;)

-C.C. 

And he was the type of person that when the show went quiet, so did his heart. It's sad, depending on something else so highly that your body cannot function properly otherwise, I guess that's life, finding out what addiction suits you best. And man I should have never made him mine. 

~diaries of the misunderstood

C.C. 

A

so oblivious as he giggles and pours our second glass

I can see his chest pounding as my fingers stoop towards the tray of ash 

   his smile let's go and concludes to my innocent life

Not a clue does he have of the thoughts and puzzles behind my eyes

"Yeah, the wine is great."

And you reminded me what it was like to hug someone so completely that you can begin to feel their muscles lean up against their bones

I look at that heart, the one I've hated for so long, and the truth is she hates it just as much I do 

You close your eyes on I love you's, bow your head on good mornings, and that awful cringe as you give and receive warmth

So pore me in pure guilt under concrete, 

and Spread your beautiful wings in the light

continue to preach of my protection

You can no longer protect me from the light.

-C.C.

And maybe at some point there is nothing to chase anymore 

And finding yourself is the only thing every path leads to

"Why did it take this long?"

But what about just telling yourself 

"It's okay."

Maybe cause we falter

we falter, Every fucking time.

Maybe you can only see as much things about yourself as you choose to

Smiling after second place never felt so badass 

Some things do take longer than others to realize

"Patience is a virtue." The words of my fourth grade teacher

Now more relevant than ever as I let my hair loose in the sun on this afternoon boat ride 

2:42 a.m.

And I've come to realize we pick endings more often than we tend to choose beginnings 

Just how the Dark Ages were too foolish to realize the Renaissance 

Sometimes I wait inbetween the silence 

And then realize it's just as hopeless as you are

And the times I am placed in rooms the loudest, I can't help but to hear your silence.

I always loved that about you. Learning to expect the unexpected.

Yes Jonathan, I still think pepper spray is fucking stupid, but now I truly enjoy skimpy clothes in sketchy parking lots. 

Irony keeps its interesting right? 

Thanks for teaching your baby girl best

-xo 

C.C.